Part 9: the benefits of loving oneself
There are many benefits, but I will discuss 4 that I have seen in my own life:
- Forgiveness is realized
- non-judgment is achieved.
- Wholeness or Oneness with ourselves is experienced.
- We realize that we are worthy of divinity.
Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy
Loving oneself solves the problem of unforgiveness in our lives. When we were dependent on our ego to need the approval of others, we took great offense when others would criticize us or treat us with less attention than we thought we deserved. Once I love myself, those offensives begin to recede, because there is no longer any offense taken by us. We are secure in the love we have for ourselves. It is now more that we observe a friend trying to egg us into a drama scene or observing a comment that before would have upset us. We observe it but we DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. Gratefulness becomes our stabilizing feeling, rather than the emotion of getting our feelings hurt.
In this way we are observers of the events of our lives and not reactors to the charged emotions that enter our minds.
Of course, if we sense aggression or other emotions from the person involved we should ask them to talk about it, but not so much for our sake alone, but for the valuableness of our relationship with that person, and the importance of understanding each other. Also, unforgiveness works both ways. When we sense that someone is offended by something we have done, in the past we might have been embarrased, and not wanted to be around that person again. When we are secure in who we are, we can go to the person and dialogue with them about what happened. Sometimes we can either explain ourselves without defensiveness, or we can apologize if we have hurt them, even though that was not (hopefully) our intention.
When we find ourselves “tagging” a person as someone who has hurt us, in other words every time we see that person or think of that person we return to our hurt and feel anger or unforgiveness toward that person, then it is important that we find “clearing” or forgiveness for that person. The problem is when we feel tragically wronged by another, we do not want to do this. We feel justified in our unforgiveness. This becomes a “barrier” to loving ourself and others.
A classic example of this is abuse we suffered in childhood. The degree of love we have for ourselves, is linked to the feelings we harbor in our hearts to those who have wronged us. Healing does not mean we necessarily have to re-engage a friendship with that person, but it does mean we have released them from any resentment or bitterness we might have. This results in freedom for us, and them. It enables us to love every part of ourselves.
The teaching from the Oneness University on the second chakra, is:
The world is our mirror. The things we see on the outside are reflections of our inner state of consciousness.
When we have unforgiveness for others, we harbor unforgiveness toward ourselves. To love ourselves unconditionally, we need to achieve forgiveness for all and everything.
Next part: achieving non-judgment