Monday, July 29, 2013

Part 6- loving Oneself Unconditionally

In the last part I introduced the first technique or practice to change the way we treat ourselves. In this part I introduce the second practice, which is a right brain meditation.

Self-love comes by creating new pathways between the brain and the heart, which reflect your heart love and not your mind chatter. Let me give you a pathway to experience which will exemplify the transformation of the parts of ourselves into love. Sit in a quiet place and breath deeply until you are centered and feel relaxed. Take a fragmented part of yourself, like your wounded child, or your inner child, or your judge, or your questioner. As I say this many of you know exactly which fragment of yourself to consider. Take this shard, let us say it is your judge, and feel into the Judge, feel the judge's emotions as he pronounces you guilty of some mis-statement, or wrong word, or mistake that you have made. We are very harsh judges of ourselves. Feel and hear the judge's words as he/she criticizes you for some act of yours. As you feel this with your soul, let your soul go, decide not to sit there listening to the judge, but let your soul know that there is an oversoul, which loves you, and does not judge you. With your intention, now connect with that oversoul, and feel the love and acceptance of the oversoul or of your Divine.. Feel it, do not think about it, feel it with your heart. .............................. When you have joined that love and know that that love is the most real thing in existence, now return to the judge. And now love your judge with the love of the oversoul, or of the Divine. Yes, I know that the old way is to hate the judge and want to get rid of it but do not go to that left brained place, just be in love and love your judge and draw the judge to yourself and comfort and love him/her. Realize that the judge is YOU. Love YOU. Be there now with the judge and let the judge know that you do not fear him/her, nor do you listen, all you do is love your judge. Feel that love. Let it be there. As you do this see the judge transformed into your wholeness. See the judge as yourself, not as a separate part of you. Draw the judge within with your love, so that as the judge becomes you, the judge becomes the same love that you felt from the oversoul. Draw him/her in until all that is left is love.

It is through this pathway, as you do it in your own way, the way you have known for eons of time and forgotten, as you do this you will have wholeness with self, and the parts of yourself that have prevented you from loving yourself will be transformed into love. Yes, it becomes clear that the reason we do not love ourselves is because of the illusion of separation and the lie of the ego's supremacy. As we realize that OUR love is the key to ourselves, we know that we have all that we need, for wholeness and Oneness.

Use the above meditation as an example or suggestion to work with to integrate the parts of yourself. You can change my example or even create one especially for you. There is an old but true saying, “My heart, my heart, it knows what it wants!”
 Next Part- How the love within yourself will bless others.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

PART 5- Loving Oneself Unconditionally

Part 5

Our minds, or our egos, will continually tell us that self love is a fantasy to our well-being, or that the construction of a positive self image is not possible. Our heart space, on the other hand, will always try to compel us to treat ourselves as we would treat our lover, or best friend. It is with our thoughts that our inner conversation either affirms us or tears us down. For example, all of us have experienced regret in something we have said which caused hurt to another person, or that embarrassed us, or that caused a bad reaction in the other person. Our egoic mind is very quick to judge us and criticize us for the mistake. We have all felt the sting of thinking “I have ruined my relationship with her by what I said,” or....”I know that my words hurt him, and I am sure he will tell others how stupid and cruel that I am”. This causes us to worry, to be in fear, or to be miserable until the problem is resolved. Often times we even make the problem worse by taking some action to try to get ourselves off the hook. We are suffering because we did not love ourselves into a solution to the problem.

The beginning of learning to love ourselves is to be AWARE of our inner feelings toward ourselves and Love ourselves with those feelings. In the example above, when we realize we are suffering because of our worry over what we said, we allow ourselves to break the cycle of suffering by accepting and loving ourselves with all of those feelings.

Instead of sliding down the slope to self anger, panic, fear of losing the friend, and wishing that you had a time machine,
STOP right where you are and think about what you wished you had said instead......
Now imagine just stopping, taking a breath, and experiencing the discomfort of these thoughts, but without any desire to mentally punish yourself. Feel the distress and the fear, OK, but leave off the thoughts that YOU are bad, and awful, etc. Now consider that it was not in your heart to intentionally hurt your friend. You made a mistake. If those who you love and love you make a mistake, will you stop loving them? No, you may talk to them or take some action but your love will continue.
Why not give yourself the same break you give those you love?

(Your desire to punish yourself by self-judgment, is born of longstanding habits of believing that if you judge yourself harshly it will change you for the better. In reality the opposite is true. As you love yourself with your imperfections and mistakes it releases your values for respect, kindness, consideration, compassion , and trust. As you recognize these values in yourself, you start to see them in others. As these values pervade your consciousness, you will begin to make life decisions based upon those values, and not by other charged emotions like fear, anger, and dissatisfaction.)

So instead of spending days worrying about what you said, get a plan. Your plan might include an apology. It might include doing something nice for your friend to get close again. When you get your plan set a timetable for it and implement it.
After it is over sit down by yourself and praise and love yourself for doing this in love for yourself, for your friend, and for the world.

Next:  A right brain meditation to wholeness

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Loving Oneself Unconditionally- Part 4

Part 4
The Authentic Self

If you ask yourself, "Who am I?" what is your answer? "I'm a mom." "I'm a teacher." "I live in New Mexico." We really do not answer the question, of who we really are, but we identify ourselves by what we do, what our social station is, or how we see our function in life. We can't answer who we are, because many of us have never really gone that deep within ourselves to know.
Your authentic self is the you that is free of cultural control or familial expectations. It is the part of you not defined by your job, function or role. It is your absolute inner core. It is all the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you have believed you should be.
At our inner core are some wonderful dreams and wishes for ourselves and the world. There are also fears, woundedness and sorrow. All of our inner core can be accessed by allowing all of our true self to be known. When we allow our true selves to be known, we find that within our core is the spark of divinity. This is where real transformation can take place.

Many of us are scared of knowing our authentic self. The woundedness that we believe is there scares us, and we want the pain to stay hidden, deep down where no one can see it and where we might be able to forget it. When we learn to love ourselves we are able to gently and lovingly resurrect that pain so that it can be transformed into wisdom and healing by our experience.
It's our ability to embrace vulnerability that allows us to experience true authenticity, and thus true freedom and power in life. This process also allows us to access those wonderful dreams for ourselves and the world.

Fragmented vs. Wholeness
Before we are made whole and healed and totally in love with ourselves we can observe a fragmentation of our inner world. We see ourselves in parts. We see our woundedness thru our experiences as a child, or in various past or present relationships, or traumas that we have suffered. Sometimes we even name those parts of ourselves. For example we may refer to the experience of our woundedness as our “inner child”. We may name the parts of ourselves that bother us or cause us suffering by names such as “judge” or “saboteur” . We say to ourselves, “my judge told me I blew it!” or “My saboteur made me walk away from that relationship”. I actually think that doing this is very helpful to us because it specifically identifies those parts of ourselves that desperately need our love.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
— Rumi

As we learn to tenaciously love all those parts of ourselves, they will be transformed into sacred space within us. They become healed and then are made whole so there is no separation between us and them. This spiritual process is called “clearing” by some people, or “inner healing” by others, but results in our freedom from the “hurts” of the past. This freedom allows us to make good decisions for our life in the present. It also clears us to recognize charged emotions like fear or anger or disappointment, so we can make decisions free from them.

Next Post-- an example of the clearing process is revealed.

Please feel free to leave comments or questions in the comments section.  Thank you.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Loving Ourselves Unconditionally- Part 3

Part 3
Our left brain is the source of our reasoning, our decision-making, and our organizational thoughts. It is here that we all say “yes, of course I love myself”. The right brain is truly where we learn and experience love for self. This is the seat of the imagination, feelings, and intuition. It is here that we can train ourselves to bless and love ourselves with our thoughts, which results in experiencing self-love. And when we experience that love for ourselves, we truly learn to love others, with a perfect and complete love.
If you ask 20 people on the street if they love themselves, 19 of them will say: “of course”. This is because it is the expected answer, and no one wants to say that they do not love themselves. But the experience of having unconditional love for ourselves does not come through understanding, or in just deciding it. It comes by a recognition of our inner core and having a fearlessness to access it.
Loving ourselves is the key.

Our Western minds have a great degree of difficulty in realizing our Oneness with God. Even conservative Christianity suggests the merging with God, as Jesus prayed, “That they all may be one; as you, Father, are in me, and I in you. That they also may be one in us….” (John 17:21)  But it also sends mixed messages in that God is seen as far greater than us, in fact, our religious institutions have emphasized our unworthiness, we are far LOWER than God and being ONE with God is completely unattainable. This false concept of our unworthiness has kept us chained in our place. We can only approach the throne of God crawling, confessing, and only at the mercy of the greater.....God. The mystery of the truth is that we are all ONE with God, and as we release our unworthiness we fulfill our nature as human beings. This unworthiness is just a symptom of the real cause of our inability to realize our Oneness with the Divine, which is that we do not LOVE ourselves. We have been taught to love only those parts of ourselves that we consider perfect, and to consider those other parts that are imperfect as only to be loved if we change them. This false concept keeps us imprisoned, unable to love ourselves without the perfection that we of course find unattainable. The truth is that we cannot change those things about ourselves or see them transformed until we truly love all the parts of ourselves. When we are finally able to do this we find wholeness, and discover our authentic self.

In the next post we will define the authentic self, and learn how to access it.